


Pumpkin Carving In Five Easy Steps!

by shifter_goddess



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Based on a Tumblr Post, I Blame Tumblr, M/M, Multi, dang i love fall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-23
Updated: 2015-09-23
Packaged: 2018-04-23 00:57:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4857128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shifter_goddess/pseuds/shifter_goddess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>= Who loves carving pumpkins and buys about 300<br/>wash love his knives. good for carving flesh. pumpkin flesh, of course. that is what he mean to say, pumpkin skin yeah sure</p>
<p>I love the tumblr 'tuckington' tag. It's a gold-mine of inspiration. This is just a silly little ficlet I did for the fall months; yay, pumpkins!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pumpkin Carving In Five Easy Steps!

Sarge looked at Florida, pointing an accusatory finger at the former Freelancer. "He gets _that_ from you." He informed the other man.

Florida flapped a hand at the gruff Red as if to dismiss his claim, but nobody missed it when he grinned slyly and said, "Yeah, and when airport security picked Texas out and they found not one, not two, but three guns on her, _that_ was from _you_."

Grif snicked; Tucker inhaled his hot chocolate as he started laughing, and nearly went flying from his chair as Lopez slapped him on the back. Sarge just shrugged. "Yeah, well, what can I say? She's got good taste." His eyes slid to Church, looking smug and amused at the banter. Sarge sniffed. "In _some_ things." Now Church shot him a venomous look; ahhh, that was better, back to things being how they should be.

" _I was talking about pumpkins._ " Wash protested around the sounds of Tucker wheezing and Lopez muttering deprecations about hot chocolate.

"Honey, no. Nobody cares. We've all got issues here! Admitting it is the first step to recovery." Donut laid a sympathetic hand on Wash's shoulder; Florida beamed at the bonding moment; Donut smiled back, the scarred skin around his eye and the side of his face puckering at the motion. Church snorted at his words, leaning against the counter.

"Firstly, I'm not an alcoholic." Wash pointed out. "And secondly, I am definitely not some - some psychopath who likes to carve people up!"

Lopez made an amused sound in the back of his throat, commenting. "Eso es lo que todos dicen." He glanced at Florida, gesturing to Sarge with one hand. "Mejor sueño con abrir un ojo, viejo. Y darle una patada despierto cuando Washington encaje."

Scowling, Washington eyed the other man, ignoring the laughing Florida. "I heard my name in there, you know. I'm not stupid."

Lopez smirked at him. Florida rolled his eyes. "Loosen up, Wash. He was only teasing, and no harm in that." He said, cheerfully going back to carving the pumpkin he'd set down earlier. His carving was intricate a mass of swirls he was carving into some design Wash had yet to figure out - it was almost absurdly delicate for something Carolina and Kai would be taking gleeful joy in smashing in two weeks or so. That knowledge of what fate befell their pumpkins had probably urged Tucker to carve dicks into his, but then again, there was an equal chance of that just being Tucker...well, being _Tucker_. They'd have to hide the dick pumpkins before Junior came over; this didn't dissuade Tucker a bit.

"Why'd you wave to me, then, if you were jus' makin' fun of our stick-up-his-ass knife nut?" Sarge asked Lopez, and Wash made a rude gesture at the Colonel while simultaneously marveling at the mans' continued ignorance of the large, large language gap between himself and his 'son'.

"Prob'ly because Tucker isn't the _only_ retired marine banging a retired Freelancer." Grif pointed out, neatly dodging the swipe Tucker took at him using the least amount of actual movement possible. "Although, I mean, Flowers' list of redacted shit is probably bigger than Wash's'." Now it was his turn to smirk. "Lucky for Sarge and Doc Grey."

"I'm not sure whether I should be irritated, disgusted, or offended." Wash retorted, voice dry.

"I was aiming for that. Plus, aw, dude, you do irritated _almost_ as good as Church."

"Hey!"

"He's right, though." Tucker pointed out, irritated betrayal softening into amusement at Church's indignity.

"I can't believe you aren't on my side. He made you do _leg day_ ; doesn't that count for something? _I_ never made you do that." Church whined slightly; Wash opened his mouth to respond, but Tucker got there first.

"Yeah, but you and I aren't bangin' like a screen door in a hurricane."

"Oh my _God_ , Tucker, TMI! Did _not_ need that image!" Church threw his hands in front of his face, as if to ward off the mental pictures he was an unfortunate victim to.

"And mine _is_ bigger." Florida added, smirking.

**Author's Note:**

> Google Translate for sassy Lopez:  
> Lopez made an amused sound in the back of his throat, commenting. "That's what they all say." He glanced at Florida, gesturing to Sarge with one hand. "Better sleep with one eye open, old man. And give him a kick when Washington snaps."


End file.
